Look Who Just Turned ONE!

Hey there,

 Long time no see...

 Milestones are so important in life. Looking back when you are old these give you reasons to look back and smile.

As I turned One last week, almost everyday leading up to my first birthday was a milestone. I was on to something new everyday. Yup my folks were going crazy about whatever I did and I was being very nonchalant about it. I mean, is walking really such a big deal? Picture this, my grandpa "goes for a walk" every evening, if that isn't a big deal, then why is it when I walk? Well, I guess walking for the first time is.

I am yet to figure out how not to fall every time I try to take a few steps. I have fallen so many times that I think my backside has become flat. I saw someone on TV walking with a long stick in his hand. I wish I could ask mom or dad to hand me one of those for balance.

Oh yes asking which is actually "talking" is one more thing I wanna talk about. People around me need to take a break and let me progress in my own time. Asking me a hundred times to say Mama or Papa will not make me blurt out the Oxford English Dictionary in an instant. Please!

Talking of dictionary, my vocabulary is slowing growing day by day. And for god's sake I know that the thing on the ceiling with blades and a rotor is called fan. It is used in summer. How many times do I need to point my fingers to the ceiling every time I am asked "where is the fan??"

Oh god don't even get me started on pointing fingers. When you ask and I point finger, its good! But when I point my finger to the "3 holes on the wall" (the one with a switch next to it) why does all hell break loose? People start shouting as if they got some electric shock.

I have slowly come to realize that my parents and their parents are weird. When I started standing, crawling, walking etc they were so happy and now when i want stand up to reach out and feel somethings like glass vases, telephones, pens etc they have started placing them on higher surfaces out of my reach. First they encouraged me and when I started doing it they try and stop me.

 I have also realised that when I was smaller and used to sleep a lot, everyone used to wait for me to wake up to play with me. Now it seems, all they do is to wait for me to sleep so that they can do own stuff. Gosh, what is wrong with them??

At the end of the day, in all their weirdness I love the fact that they love me so much. It feels amazing to be lifted in their arms and be cuddled. I feel the pain in my parents' voices and see that glint in their eyes when they say bye to me & go to their offices every morning. I simply smile and try to hide my emotions. (Else they will want to stay back and stop making money. Then who will buy me gifts??) I am sure the whole day they keep thinking about me as I go about doing my antics at home  and I keep waiting for them to be back and hold me in their arms again. The look in their eyes when they see me again in the evening makes my day. There is no substitute to being pampered.

Anyway its been a long-ish post this, as I had quite bit to say. You know I have been away turning 1 this whole time. Let me get back to growing up and crossing more milestones.

Until then (pointing the ceiling) - there is the Fan!

Cheers,
Vivaan

Driving Right?

And then I landed in France, rented a car and drove on the "wrong" side of the road and it was fun!!

See!! This is what happens when you stop blogging for months together and then when you attempt to write a post, you wont even last for 140 characters. (those using twitter will understand better. for others, click here)

Now that you have a general idea what this blog is going to be about, let me take you back on how it all happened.

So I am in the middle of February this year, making elaborate plans for my birthday, which involves expecting gifts from my family and then taking them out for dinner (depending on the gifts i get...). There comes a news from my office that I may have to go to Italy for a meeting at FIAT, Turin. I was already under tremendous stress planning my birthday, and now I had to chalk out an itinerary for my upcoming trip to Italy too. After much speculation, I succeeded in making the itinerary, which looked something like this, "Fly to Turin, Italy on 28th Feb - Spend 4 days - Fly back to Delhi".

When everything is set, life has a strange way of leaving you puzzled. My French colleague who was supposed to meet me in Turin, Italy met with an accident instead. And in the process, broke his arm and came up with a brilliant plan. The plan involved making my itinerary go haywire and making me go on a driving frenzy for a week. But I was not complaining as I was getting to drive in Europe for the first time.

Didn't I speak about the connection between life and puzzles earlier? So there, again! Now I had to cram in the process of making an international driving license too. Dealing with Indian Government Authorities is a cakewalk as long as you are able to pull a few strings. Pull a few string and shell out a few bucks, I did. And I got an International Driving Permit made in 15 minutes flat.

And then I landed in Strasbourg, France where my heavily bandaged friend came to receive me and handed me the car keys. I felt like a Bollywood hero who came back after successfully completing his studies abroad and his dad came to receive him with a swanky new gift. By the way, no offence meant to my friend, he isn't as old as my dad.

Driving on the right side of the road was not much of a task as it is something that traffic in Noida often forces you to do and the upside was - no incoming traffic. But the flip-side were the laws which had to be followed. It is such a hard thing to do for us Indians, isn't it? Oh yes and honking was a big No-No. We Indians think that the Horn being right in front of our eyes is reason enough to press it even when we encounter a speed-breaker.

Well, a few initially hiccups later I was a pro and the 600-odd KM drive from Strasbourg to Turin via the beautiful landscapes of Switzerland was a dream. Here I definitely felt like a hero from Yash Raj films but what I was sorely missing was my Heroine, my wife.

All the fun and the beautiful vistas aside, the biggest take-back for me has been the civic sense shown by the people back in Europe. The dedication with which they follow the rules, come-what-may, is commendable. Correcting a society starts from correcting yourself, and since my return I have pledged to do my bit and not break any traffic rule as long as possible. (considering my trysts with Delhi Police, I shouldn't be breaking any rules anyway).  

A Tale of Two Tickets

Read the following two stories. One having a SAD ending and the other one with a HAPPY one. These stories contain so many emotions that they can be made into an awesome Bollywood potboiler. Curious?? Read on...

Story - 1

Driving can be fun. Driving can be exhilarating. Driving can give you an ultimate thrill. Driving is known to bring out sides in people which they didn't know existed. Whizzing past the traffic, leaving all the cars behind, driving at speeds which makes everything else seem stationary is something that every driver yearns for. All this is great until a cop stops you by jumping in front of your car like someone's shaking you and waking you up from a beautiful dream, and saying, "dude welcome back to earth"!!!

That's exactly what happened with me a couple of weeks ago. NO i am not a traffic cop and I dont even go about jumping in front of fast cars just to get the kicks out of it. I am a law abiding citizen of this country who sticks by all the laws only to break a few of them when I have to reach office on time.

Well yeah, it was a lazy Saturday morning I was rolling on my bed when it struck me that I work 6 days a week. A frenzied 15 minutes later I was still groggy eyed but ready to leave for office. Everything seemed to be the same as it had been for every single day for past 8 months. Only thing that was different was there were so many traffic cops on the road it seemed that the whole of the police station had decided to come out for a stroll. I was driving at my usual speed (or maybe less.. 68KMPH to be precise) and there jumped a man wearing White and Blue in front of my car. Thank god my old warhorse of a car has decent brakes else it would've been the last thing that cop did. Escorting me to the side of the road he politely asked me to get off. And here is the conversation:

Cop : Gaadi side me laga lo aur license nikalo. Aap speed kar rahe they.
Me (handing him the license) : #@$%!! Whatever that means!! (Speed kar rahe they???)
Cop: Challan katega. 400 ka. Insurance dikhao..
Me: (realising that insurance papers are missing.. In a sweet voice) : Kya baat hai? Aaj itne policewale ek saath??
Cop (giving me the topic-mat-change-karo look) : 400 Rs.
Me: Handing over the money and taking the receipt and dissappearing in a flash (doing more than 68KMPH)

Phew!! There comes the first blemish on the clean driving slate of mine. One mark in 10 years of driving is still pretty good I guess.



Story - 2

It seemed it was a day to break all land speed records. A day where I could've given Micheal Schumacher a run for his money on Indian roads on a bike. The usual 60-70 minutes of office to home distance took me just 35 minutes. Why was I in such a hurry?? I was going to cheer for my Delhi IPL Team at Ferozshah Kotla.

Reaching home I didnt even have time to bask in the glory. I had another lap to cover. Changed into casuals and I was off again. I still had a good 2 hours before the match but the friend I was watching the match with, insisted on reaching the stadium one day before the match ;). Oh yes, the cop story again.

Cops have a certain liking for guys on 2 wheelers. I think they have a 2 wheeler fetish. If you have been stopped by Cops and even if you have all the papers in place, you GOT TO pay. If you are really low on luck, you may even be fined for not carrying your Ration Card, Credit Card statements, Birth Certificate and maybe even Marriage Certificate (this applies even to bachelors).

In my quest to reach the stadium on time (which was way before time actually), I jumped a red-light and voila there was a cop. And here is what went between us,

Cop: Red light jump ki hai aapne. Dangerous driving + Red light jumping ka challan katega. 1100 Rs.
Me: Arey Dilli police hoke mujhe rok rahe ho. Main Dilli ka match dekhne jaa raha hoon. Aap chahte nahi ho ki Dilli jeete?
Cop (smiling) : Haan isliye to bol raha hoon, jaldi 1100 Rs do aur jao.
Me: Dekh lo aur kuch ho sakta ho to. (9 out of 10 times bribing works)
Cop: Aap batao kitna doge?
Me: Mere paas 550 bucks hai. 500 ki match ki ticket hai, aage ka aap dekh lo.
Cop: Itna mehenga ticket!!! Ghar pe kyun nahi dekhte?
Me: Stadium mein dekhne ka mazaa hi kuch aur hai.
Cop: Lao 50 Rs lao aur jaldi jao, match start hone wala hoga.
Me (sporting a sad expression) : 500 Rs ticket ke hai and 50 Rs mere khane ke. Aapne woh le liye, ab main kya khaoonga :(
Cop: Arey aisi baat mat karo. Aur yeh lo - Hands me a 100 Rs note :D

Some Traffic Cops also have a heart and I got to experience it first hand that day. I probably am the first one to take money from a cop.

And this my dear friends was A Tale of Two Tickets...

Peg After Peg

Had received this from a friend, couldn't stop myself from posting it.. Its too damn funny!!!!

________________________________________________

I never take risk while drinking

When I come from office in the evening, wife is cooking

I can hear the noise of utensils in the kitchen

I stealthily enter the house

Take out the bottle from my black cupboard

Shivaji Maharaj is looking at me from the photo frame

But still no one is aware of it

Becoz I never take a risk

I take out the glass from the rack above the old sink

Quickly enjoy one peg

Wash the glass and again keep it on the rack

Of course I also keep the bottle inside my cupboard

Shivaji Maharaj is giving a smile

I peep into the kitchen

Wife is cutting potatoes

No one is aware of what I did

Becoz I never take a risk

I: Any news on Chopra's daughter's marriage

Wife: Nope, she doesn't seem to be that lucky. Still they are looking out for her

I again come out; there is a small noise of the black cupboard

But I don't make any sound while taking out the bottle

I take out the glass from the old rack above sink

Quickly enjoy one peg

Wash the bottle and keep it in the sink

Also keep the Black Glass in the cupboard

But still no one is aware of what I did

Becoz I never take a risk

I: But still I think Chopra's daughter's age is not that much

Wife: What are you saying? She is 28 yrs old... Like an aged horse

I: (I forgot her age is 28) Oh Oh...

I again take out potatoes out from my black cupboard

But the cupboard's place has automatically changed

I take out the bottle from the rack and quickly enjoy one peg in the sink

Shivaji Maharaj laughs loudly

I keep the rack in the potatoes & wash Shivaji Maharaj's photo & keep

It in the black cupboard

Wife is keeping the sink on the stove

But still no one is aware of what I did

Becoz I never take a risk

I: (getting angry) you call Mr. Chopra a horse? If you say that again,

I will cut your tongue...!

Wife: Don't just blabber something, go out and sit quietly...

I take out the bottle from the potatoes

Go in the black cupboard and enjoy a peg

Wash the sink and keep it over the rack

Wife is giving a smile

Shivaji Maharaj is still cooking

But still no one is aware of what I did

Becoz I never take a risk

I: (laughing) So Chopra is marrying a horse!!

Wife: Hey go and sprinkle some water on your face...

I again go to the kitchen, and quietly sit on the rack

Stove is also on the rack

There is a small noise of bottles from the room outside

I peep and see that wife is enjoying a peg in the sink

But none of the horses are aware of what I did

Becoz Shivaji Maharaj never takes a risk

Chopra is still cooking

And I am looking at my wife from the photo and laughing

Becoz I never take Risk ...

Kids Say....

First things first.. A very happy 14 day old year ;) to all the readers..

In the last 2 months, I made 2 trips to Bangalore. I assume people reading this blog are familiar with the one in November. The second one was when I went to Mysore for the New Year and I had a blast, plus it was a welcome break from the Delhi shivers, albeit for 4 days.

In both those trips there were a couple of funny incidents involving kids and hence the title of this post.

I went to an old colleague's place. We had worked together in my earlier company. I had met his family while they were in Delhi, a couple of years ago. He has a cute little boy of 4. So I was sitting in the drawing room when this lil guy came in.
My Colleague asked, "Hey, do you remember this bhaiyya??"
And this kid goes, "No, the last time I met him, he looked different!!!!!"

On December 30th, I was on board a plane to Bangalore. There was a lady sitting next to me with her son. This kid looked to be about 10 Years old. There were routine safety demonstrations going on and there were routine announcements as well. What was different was, the Pilot was a Lady and everytime she spoke, this kid would chuckle. I wondered what was so funny. When the plane made a smooth landing, this kid laughed and said, "Not bad for a Lady pilot!!!". And you know how his mom responded?? Its the standard 2 words that every man has to hear from every woman, be it a mother, sister, girl-friend or wife, "Shut Up!!!"