Tareekh Pe Tareekh

For the last 2 months I have been driving around with a sheet of paper in my wallet which somewhat resembles the "American Declaration of Independence" that Nicholas Cage steals in National Treasure. Thanks to the multiple folds and exposure to moisture, I am afraid that this sheet will unfold only once now. Well, this sheet is my make-shift driving license from the time cops (oh yes, I am their favourite child) took my "actual" license away. My offence, you may ask, was that my PUC Cetrificate had expired. (Of course, my vehicles'. Good Lord, human beings dont have to have a Pollution under Control certificate... well, lets not get into it)

17th July was the day when I had to appear in court for my hearing. Being exposed to a plethora of court scenes since childhood (In Movies, where else??) I was expecting it to be "Objection My Lord vs Objection Over-Ruled/ Objection Sustained" kind of a situation but to my disappointment it wasn't to be. Like a VIP is welcomed by hordes of people when he arrives at a function, I too was welcomed by a few people but only thing missing was the red carpet. As I parked the car, the parking wala was like "license lene aaye ho? 1000 Rs dedo, hum nikalwa denge" next was the security, "Judge sahab aaj chutti pe hai, bas 2000 mein aapka kaam kar denge". Without paying much heed to whatever they had to say I moved on towards the courtroom.

The "courtroom" was just a small shack kind of a thing having a couple of tables with tea marks over them, a few cup-boards falling over each other, an empty chair where the judge sits when he is present, another table where the reader sat and tonnes of files and papers strewn here and there. I was sure that even the furniture must've learnt a trick or two in taking a bribe.

There was a lawyer, with the sarkari-est look. One look at him and you would know that he could sleepwalk to SAB TV studio and grab a role in Office-Office without an audition. He saw me and he would've thought in his mind "mil gaya bakra". Only question I asked him was, "is the judge going to come today?" and then had I not interrupted him after he blabbered about various charges against me for about 10 minutes, he would've definitely asked me to pay for NOT wearing a helmet while driving the car or worse, the guy sitting next to me in the car at the time of challan should've been wearing a helmet too. The funniest thing he said was, "aapka to 2000 Rs challan katega hi, aur gaadi aapke father ke naam pe hai to unka bhi 2000 Rs ka challan katega. Nikaliye 4000 Rupaye". What the @#$%!!!

After giving up on the court, while I was walking towards my car, the security guard was like "kaam nahi hua na?? achcha chalo 1500 mein aapka kaam kar denge" and the parking wala "bataya tha na sahab, chaliye 800 de dijiye". God help those who get caught in this web.


So, a couple of phone calls later I decided to get the Declaration of Independence stamped by the reader in the court for the next date, which is still a month away. And the poor Challan sheet gets to stay in my wallet for a few more days. And I am pretty darn sure that on 20th August the Judge will have a hard time in putting all the pieces of the challan together. That'll be my way of getting back at the system and to rub it in, I will ask him if he has a cello tape handy... ;)

PS: And if I dont get my license on that day too, this is what I am gonna say (Note: to be imagined in Sunny Deol's Voice)

Tareekh pe Tareekh, Tareekh pe Tareekh, Tareekh pe Tareekh, Tareekh pe Tareekh....Judge sahab agli baar na to license milega aur na hi license lene wala. Bas reh jayegi to sirf Tareekh.

A Tale of Two Tickets

Read the following two stories. One having a SAD ending and the other one with a HAPPY one. These stories contain so many emotions that they can be made into an awesome Bollywood potboiler. Curious?? Read on...

Story - 1

Driving can be fun. Driving can be exhilarating. Driving can give you an ultimate thrill. Driving is known to bring out sides in people which they didn't know existed. Whizzing past the traffic, leaving all the cars behind, driving at speeds which makes everything else seem stationary is something that every driver yearns for. All this is great until a cop stops you by jumping in front of your car like someone's shaking you and waking you up from a beautiful dream, and saying, "dude welcome back to earth"!!!

That's exactly what happened with me a couple of weeks ago. NO i am not a traffic cop and I dont even go about jumping in front of fast cars just to get the kicks out of it. I am a law abiding citizen of this country who sticks by all the laws only to break a few of them when I have to reach office on time.

Well yeah, it was a lazy Saturday morning I was rolling on my bed when it struck me that I work 6 days a week. A frenzied 15 minutes later I was still groggy eyed but ready to leave for office. Everything seemed to be the same as it had been for every single day for past 8 months. Only thing that was different was there were so many traffic cops on the road it seemed that the whole of the police station had decided to come out for a stroll. I was driving at my usual speed (or maybe less.. 68KMPH to be precise) and there jumped a man wearing White and Blue in front of my car. Thank god my old warhorse of a car has decent brakes else it would've been the last thing that cop did. Escorting me to the side of the road he politely asked me to get off. And here is the conversation:

Cop : Gaadi side me laga lo aur license nikalo. Aap speed kar rahe they.
Me (handing him the license) : #@$%!! Whatever that means!! (Speed kar rahe they???)
Cop: Challan katega. 400 ka. Insurance dikhao..
Me: (realising that insurance papers are missing.. In a sweet voice) : Kya baat hai? Aaj itne policewale ek saath??
Cop (giving me the topic-mat-change-karo look) : 400 Rs.
Me: Handing over the money and taking the receipt and dissappearing in a flash (doing more than 68KMPH)

Phew!! There comes the first blemish on the clean driving slate of mine. One mark in 10 years of driving is still pretty good I guess.



Story - 2

It seemed it was a day to break all land speed records. A day where I could've given Micheal Schumacher a run for his money on Indian roads on a bike. The usual 60-70 minutes of office to home distance took me just 35 minutes. Why was I in such a hurry?? I was going to cheer for my Delhi IPL Team at Ferozshah Kotla.

Reaching home I didnt even have time to bask in the glory. I had another lap to cover. Changed into casuals and I was off again. I still had a good 2 hours before the match but the friend I was watching the match with, insisted on reaching the stadium one day before the match ;). Oh yes, the cop story again.

Cops have a certain liking for guys on 2 wheelers. I think they have a 2 wheeler fetish. If you have been stopped by Cops and even if you have all the papers in place, you GOT TO pay. If you are really low on luck, you may even be fined for not carrying your Ration Card, Credit Card statements, Birth Certificate and maybe even Marriage Certificate (this applies even to bachelors).

In my quest to reach the stadium on time (which was way before time actually), I jumped a red-light and voila there was a cop. And here is what went between us,

Cop: Red light jump ki hai aapne. Dangerous driving + Red light jumping ka challan katega. 1100 Rs.
Me: Arey Dilli police hoke mujhe rok rahe ho. Main Dilli ka match dekhne jaa raha hoon. Aap chahte nahi ho ki Dilli jeete?
Cop (smiling) : Haan isliye to bol raha hoon, jaldi 1100 Rs do aur jao.
Me: Dekh lo aur kuch ho sakta ho to. (9 out of 10 times bribing works)
Cop: Aap batao kitna doge?
Me: Mere paas 550 bucks hai. 500 ki match ki ticket hai, aage ka aap dekh lo.
Cop: Itna mehenga ticket!!! Ghar pe kyun nahi dekhte?
Me: Stadium mein dekhne ka mazaa hi kuch aur hai.
Cop: Lao 50 Rs lao aur jaldi jao, match start hone wala hoga.
Me (sporting a sad expression) : 500 Rs ticket ke hai and 50 Rs mere khane ke. Aapne woh le liye, ab main kya khaoonga :(
Cop: Arey aisi baat mat karo. Aur yeh lo - Hands me a 100 Rs note :D

Some Traffic Cops also have a heart and I got to experience it first hand that day. I probably am the first one to take money from a cop.

And this my dear friends was A Tale of Two Tickets...

Biking...Shiking

Am I becoming insane??? This question sprouted in my mind after watching the reactions I have been getting from people off late. I think I would've gotten encouraging reactions had I told them that I am planning to run away from home to become an actor in Bollywood :P.

Ever since I returned from the Rishikesh trip this May, I have had this unbearable itch to go on a bike ride. A really long one at that. Next month end I have a ride planned to the virgin (well.. almost) lands of Spiti. If I complete it, it'll be the longest I have ever done and will surely be the best ride of my life. It'll be one of those tales to tell your grand-children kinda things. More on it later and even more on it when I return. (Trip Log Alert!!!)

As a part of the preparation (read, making the back-side stronger), I am riding to Lansdowne this weekend. Lansdowne is a small, nondescript place in Uttarakhand, about 300 KMs from Delhi. It'll be the first experience of riding in the hills and also it'll be a test to see how much strain I can take. I know that it'll not even be close to what i'll experience in Himachal but some preparation, nonetheless. Thats all I'll be able to afford before THE trip, thanks to me working on Saturdays. Let me not get into working on saturdays again.

So what are my expectations from the Spiti Ride?? Well, let me break it down into Pros and Cons.

Pros:

• Beautiful Landscapes and Scenery
• 2000 KMs of riding - wonder how my bike will fare
• A feeling experienced never before
• Having great friends for company (Let me tell you, its more fun reuniting with Old buddies in real than on Orkut or Facebook :P )
• Time away from the mundane routine life

Cons:

• 2000 KMs of riding - As much fun as it may sound, it will be taxing and treacherous
• AMS - Dont know why but Acute Mountain Sickness worry is there at the back of my mind
• No Ride experience whatsover - This wont be much of a worry thanks to the Been-there-done-that company that I have.
• How much is too much?? - 2000 KMs in 5-6 days @ ~ 400KMs per day - need I say more??
• Toll on the body - this is inevitable

Well in such a long ride there are ought to be a few cons, but I would not like to ponder on them now and tackle them as they come. I know there will be more Pros than Cons.. :-)

So here's me wishing myself a decent enough preparation and waiting for the last week of September with bated breath. Oh well yes, I need to apply for holidays and they need to get approved too.. That aside I am all set and raring to go!!