Driving Right?

And then I landed in France, rented a car and drove on the "wrong" side of the road and it was fun!!

See!! This is what happens when you stop blogging for months together and then when you attempt to write a post, you wont even last for 140 characters. (those using twitter will understand better. for others, click here)

Now that you have a general idea what this blog is going to be about, let me take you back on how it all happened.

So I am in the middle of February this year, making elaborate plans for my birthday, which involves expecting gifts from my family and then taking them out for dinner (depending on the gifts i get...). There comes a news from my office that I may have to go to Italy for a meeting at FIAT, Turin. I was already under tremendous stress planning my birthday, and now I had to chalk out an itinerary for my upcoming trip to Italy too. After much speculation, I succeeded in making the itinerary, which looked something like this, "Fly to Turin, Italy on 28th Feb - Spend 4 days - Fly back to Delhi".

When everything is set, life has a strange way of leaving you puzzled. My French colleague who was supposed to meet me in Turin, Italy met with an accident instead. And in the process, broke his arm and came up with a brilliant plan. The plan involved making my itinerary go haywire and making me go on a driving frenzy for a week. But I was not complaining as I was getting to drive in Europe for the first time.

Didn't I speak about the connection between life and puzzles earlier? So there, again! Now I had to cram in the process of making an international driving license too. Dealing with Indian Government Authorities is a cakewalk as long as you are able to pull a few strings. Pull a few string and shell out a few bucks, I did. And I got an International Driving Permit made in 15 minutes flat.

And then I landed in Strasbourg, France where my heavily bandaged friend came to receive me and handed me the car keys. I felt like a Bollywood hero who came back after successfully completing his studies abroad and his dad came to receive him with a swanky new gift. By the way, no offence meant to my friend, he isn't as old as my dad.

Driving on the right side of the road was not much of a task as it is something that traffic in Noida often forces you to do and the upside was - no incoming traffic. But the flip-side were the laws which had to be followed. It is such a hard thing to do for us Indians, isn't it? Oh yes and honking was a big No-No. We Indians think that the Horn being right in front of our eyes is reason enough to press it even when we encounter a speed-breaker.

Well, a few initially hiccups later I was a pro and the 600-odd KM drive from Strasbourg to Turin via the beautiful landscapes of Switzerland was a dream. Here I definitely felt like a hero from Yash Raj films but what I was sorely missing was my Heroine, my wife.

All the fun and the beautiful vistas aside, the biggest take-back for me has been the civic sense shown by the people back in Europe. The dedication with which they follow the rules, come-what-may, is commendable. Correcting a society starts from correcting yourself, and since my return I have pledged to do my bit and not break any traffic rule as long as possible. (considering my trysts with Delhi Police, I shouldn't be breaking any rules anyway).  

Tareekh Pe Tareekh

For the last 2 months I have been driving around with a sheet of paper in my wallet which somewhat resembles the "American Declaration of Independence" that Nicholas Cage steals in National Treasure. Thanks to the multiple folds and exposure to moisture, I am afraid that this sheet will unfold only once now. Well, this sheet is my make-shift driving license from the time cops (oh yes, I am their favourite child) took my "actual" license away. My offence, you may ask, was that my PUC Cetrificate had expired. (Of course, my vehicles'. Good Lord, human beings dont have to have a Pollution under Control certificate... well, lets not get into it)

17th July was the day when I had to appear in court for my hearing. Being exposed to a plethora of court scenes since childhood (In Movies, where else??) I was expecting it to be "Objection My Lord vs Objection Over-Ruled/ Objection Sustained" kind of a situation but to my disappointment it wasn't to be. Like a VIP is welcomed by hordes of people when he arrives at a function, I too was welcomed by a few people but only thing missing was the red carpet. As I parked the car, the parking wala was like "license lene aaye ho? 1000 Rs dedo, hum nikalwa denge" next was the security, "Judge sahab aaj chutti pe hai, bas 2000 mein aapka kaam kar denge". Without paying much heed to whatever they had to say I moved on towards the courtroom.

The "courtroom" was just a small shack kind of a thing having a couple of tables with tea marks over them, a few cup-boards falling over each other, an empty chair where the judge sits when he is present, another table where the reader sat and tonnes of files and papers strewn here and there. I was sure that even the furniture must've learnt a trick or two in taking a bribe.

There was a lawyer, with the sarkari-est look. One look at him and you would know that he could sleepwalk to SAB TV studio and grab a role in Office-Office without an audition. He saw me and he would've thought in his mind "mil gaya bakra". Only question I asked him was, "is the judge going to come today?" and then had I not interrupted him after he blabbered about various charges against me for about 10 minutes, he would've definitely asked me to pay for NOT wearing a helmet while driving the car or worse, the guy sitting next to me in the car at the time of challan should've been wearing a helmet too. The funniest thing he said was, "aapka to 2000 Rs challan katega hi, aur gaadi aapke father ke naam pe hai to unka bhi 2000 Rs ka challan katega. Nikaliye 4000 Rupaye". What the @#$%!!!

After giving up on the court, while I was walking towards my car, the security guard was like "kaam nahi hua na?? achcha chalo 1500 mein aapka kaam kar denge" and the parking wala "bataya tha na sahab, chaliye 800 de dijiye". God help those who get caught in this web.


So, a couple of phone calls later I decided to get the Declaration of Independence stamped by the reader in the court for the next date, which is still a month away. And the poor Challan sheet gets to stay in my wallet for a few more days. And I am pretty darn sure that on 20th August the Judge will have a hard time in putting all the pieces of the challan together. That'll be my way of getting back at the system and to rub it in, I will ask him if he has a cello tape handy... ;)

PS: And if I dont get my license on that day too, this is what I am gonna say (Note: to be imagined in Sunny Deol's Voice)

Tareekh pe Tareekh, Tareekh pe Tareekh, Tareekh pe Tareekh, Tareekh pe Tareekh....Judge sahab agli baar na to license milega aur na hi license lene wala. Bas reh jayegi to sirf Tareekh.