Lost and Found

The terms Find, Search, Look-For etc are primarily associated with search engines these days, google to be more specific. But Google isnt the place to look for stuff you lose. Wouldnt it be cool to have a search engine where you can look for the stuff you misplaced?

My wife loved the new entrant in her life so much that at times I felt jealous. Months passed, her love affair continued and bond between the two strengthened. Meanwhile, after many failed attempts of winning back my wife I had conceded my position to the new member. But alas, destiny had other plans. On a fateful wintery day of November, something terrible happened that left a deep void in her life. She was running errands and "it" dropped off from her jacket pocket without her knowing. Yes "her precious", the snazzy mobile which she bought a couple of months ago, was gone forever. It was a sad end to our love triangle. 

The next stop for us was Gumshuda Talaash Kendra, Nayi Kotwali, Daryaganj. Which reminded me of the Doordarshan notice in which a female, who herself looking lost, gave the description of the people in such a way that no one would want to look for them. (Kad - 5 foot 6 inch, Chehra - Gol, Rang - Saanwla etc etc). Everytime the description was the same, as if the guy got lost over and over again or was never found. Hang on, we had lost a "thing" and not a "person".

So a little searching on the web told us that the third best chance of getting back the lost mobile is  to lodge an FIR at the police station. Of course, the second best would be when the person who finds it calls you back (yes, it is more probable than cops finding it) and the best chance of getting back the lost mobile would be not losing it at all. My wife being the eternal optimist decided to go to the cops. Any sane individual would term this act as blatantly stupid but it's always worth giving a shot. The conversation went this way:

My wife: I lost my mobile phone yesterday. How do I get it back?

Cop: naya phone lelo!! (With an expression that had "case solved" written all over it). 

A little more of prodding and pushing resulted in the cops relenting and letting us know there is something called "noida cyber crime cell". A visit to this "office" left us pleasantly shocked (!) as it was an un-police station. There was a young-ish cop with a laptop, solving cases online. He was genuinely interested in solving our case and he asked all the details, the most important of which was the IMEI number. Armed with an FIR copy we left that place, feeling a little hopeful even when we knew that the probability of find a lost mobile phone is like finding a gumshuda Chinese guy!!! (for those who didnt get it, all chinese look the same - no offence meant to my oriental friends).

 

Lot of days passed without any news from the so called cyber crime cell. But we kept tabs on the status by frequent calls to the cops. My wife's distraught mood was as if someone had gone through a terrible break-up. She refused to use or like any other phone which was not "Samsung Galaxy S Plus". And then one fine sunday afternoon, i received a call from the cop, he said nonchalantly "aapka phone gum hua tha na, mil gaya hai aake le jao". My happiness knew no bounds. When I broke the news to my wife, she thought I was kidding. A frenzied jumping session, a quick dash to the market to get a box of Ferrero Rochers, and a mad drive to the cyber crime cell later we had in our hands our mobile phone in perfect working condition. To our surprise the cops didnt "ask" (or demand) for anything and refused to accept chocolates too. Hats off to those guys!!

 

So that my friends was how we lost and found our mobile. There have been a few other losts and founds too since the last time i blogged, the list goes like this:

 

-  I lost myself in mundane life and found the will to blog again

-  I lost my bachelorhood and found married life. (which is a bliss)

-  I lost all hatred and found respect for Noida cops (at least the cyber crime ones)

-  And finally, I didnt lose anything but I found my best friend in my wife :)

 

Tareekh Pe Tareekh

For the last 2 months I have been driving around with a sheet of paper in my wallet which somewhat resembles the "American Declaration of Independence" that Nicholas Cage steals in National Treasure. Thanks to the multiple folds and exposure to moisture, I am afraid that this sheet will unfold only once now. Well, this sheet is my make-shift driving license from the time cops (oh yes, I am their favourite child) took my "actual" license away. My offence, you may ask, was that my PUC Cetrificate had expired. (Of course, my vehicles'. Good Lord, human beings dont have to have a Pollution under Control certificate... well, lets not get into it)

17th July was the day when I had to appear in court for my hearing. Being exposed to a plethora of court scenes since childhood (In Movies, where else??) I was expecting it to be "Objection My Lord vs Objection Over-Ruled/ Objection Sustained" kind of a situation but to my disappointment it wasn't to be. Like a VIP is welcomed by hordes of people when he arrives at a function, I too was welcomed by a few people but only thing missing was the red carpet. As I parked the car, the parking wala was like "license lene aaye ho? 1000 Rs dedo, hum nikalwa denge" next was the security, "Judge sahab aaj chutti pe hai, bas 2000 mein aapka kaam kar denge". Without paying much heed to whatever they had to say I moved on towards the courtroom.

The "courtroom" was just a small shack kind of a thing having a couple of tables with tea marks over them, a few cup-boards falling over each other, an empty chair where the judge sits when he is present, another table where the reader sat and tonnes of files and papers strewn here and there. I was sure that even the furniture must've learnt a trick or two in taking a bribe.

There was a lawyer, with the sarkari-est look. One look at him and you would know that he could sleepwalk to SAB TV studio and grab a role in Office-Office without an audition. He saw me and he would've thought in his mind "mil gaya bakra". Only question I asked him was, "is the judge going to come today?" and then had I not interrupted him after he blabbered about various charges against me for about 10 minutes, he would've definitely asked me to pay for NOT wearing a helmet while driving the car or worse, the guy sitting next to me in the car at the time of challan should've been wearing a helmet too. The funniest thing he said was, "aapka to 2000 Rs challan katega hi, aur gaadi aapke father ke naam pe hai to unka bhi 2000 Rs ka challan katega. Nikaliye 4000 Rupaye". What the @#$%!!!

After giving up on the court, while I was walking towards my car, the security guard was like "kaam nahi hua na?? achcha chalo 1500 mein aapka kaam kar denge" and the parking wala "bataya tha na sahab, chaliye 800 de dijiye". God help those who get caught in this web.


So, a couple of phone calls later I decided to get the Declaration of Independence stamped by the reader in the court for the next date, which is still a month away. And the poor Challan sheet gets to stay in my wallet for a few more days. And I am pretty darn sure that on 20th August the Judge will have a hard time in putting all the pieces of the challan together. That'll be my way of getting back at the system and to rub it in, I will ask him if he has a cello tape handy... ;)

PS: And if I dont get my license on that day too, this is what I am gonna say (Note: to be imagined in Sunny Deol's Voice)

Tareekh pe Tareekh, Tareekh pe Tareekh, Tareekh pe Tareekh, Tareekh pe Tareekh....Judge sahab agli baar na to license milega aur na hi license lene wala. Bas reh jayegi to sirf Tareekh.